What's up?!

Well.. I've been neglecting this blog for a while and forgetting my own commitment.. okay..let's start with an update in my latest week..

Last week was quite a busy week for me.. it started with my aunt's parent 50th wedding anniversary.. me and my fams tried to find a gift for them.. the options are tea set or cookware.. we searched in several big stores but end up with buyung nothing! Well finally we gave them money the party was okay, the food is delicious especially the dendeng balado *yummmmy* but the auir conditioner is bad! All the guests are sweating!  Not good!

Then the other day, me and fams went to another wedding, this time is my father friend whose his daughter is getting married.. she was married with a man that she met at the bus! it's funny on how love works after that we directly went home and rush went to Bogor.. we have a plan to stay there until Monday..

In Bogor, we stayed in a mess that amazed me.. the mess is better than any five-star hotel that I have ever been stayed.. the food is amazing, the people is extremely nice and warm it's so hard to leave them in the Monday... but in Bogor, I made one vow with my God.. *let's discuss this in another post*

Then I back to work on Tursday... and everything went like usually :P busy like a bee because of closing time :P

Hope I can be more committed to this blog..

Broken heart

There are 4 phases of broken heart:
1. Denial
2. Angry
3. Depression
4. Acceptance

I guess I'm on no 3 now.. very depressed because just in 1 weeks he can already in relationship with someone else.. I feel like betrayed and used..

I hope he live in misery forever.. how cruel I am and I hate that.. I know he's not worthed my tears and misery but still my heart broke..

Can I survive?

Married or not??

At this point in my life, I was finally thinking about marriage.. a lot of my friend already married even have children..

I never targetted to get married at certain age.. When I was a little, I always think that I will get married someday.. live happily ever after with my handsome prince.. but wow! I already at the age more than enough to get married yet I'm single, not even have a boyfriend.. should I feel lonely and sad?

In my culture, it was a shame to a family if their children, especially daughter, never get married.. it's like a stamp in your forehead that says: you're not good enough for anybody to loved... and I believe that nobody likes that.. it indicates that you are ugly with bad personality.. and this thinking come slowly to my head..

But I know a lot of women nowadays are not getting married and they do seem happy.. is their happiness is real? Or they just try to look happy?

I also know that unhappy marriage can lead to severe sufferings.. but when you're married, you can have children and I love children..

Marriage can lead to many problems, emotionally and financially.. but you can always have someone that will always hug you..

Marriage will take away some of your freedom..but you can always have fun trying new things with your soulmate..

Aaaarggghh I'm confused..

Beauty and happiness

I just got back from my trip to a remote area.. and what I miss a lot? Well of course I miss my family.. but beside that... I really miss my hair straightener.. and it quite shocking for me too.. I have this thick and long black hair so without a hair straightener my hair will look like a lion's head.. no joking!

I remember couple of years ago, I have one best friend that always looks perfect from head to toe.. she was very concern with what she wear all the time.. she always wear matching clothes and accessories, unbelievable. . Meanwhile I was just an ordinary girl with one black shoe and one black bag :P not to mention my ignorance of all those beauty products. . I never wear any make up, at that moment, lip balm is my limit :P

But now? I may not wear make up like my friend does but I do increase my awareness of beauty products, put some make up in my face, get other colors for shoes and bags.. its amazing how your style can evolve in years.. and now I cannot live without hair straightener :P

I think it does true that when you feel beautiful, you become happy a little bit :)

The BestMan Story

it started in my best friend wedding... she asked me to become her bridesmaid.. since, she is one of my best friend, then i said yes.. at that moment i really don't care who the bestman will be.. since at that moment i already have my boyfriend.. then i met this bestman.. not ugly but well..since i already have a boyfriend, i cannot said he's handsome anyway :p we went along quite well.. he knew i already have a boyfriend at that time.. i really set my mind that the bestman is just a friend..

then... various things happened in my life.. i broke up with my boyfriend (he is my first love and we've been together for about 9 years before we broke up... another story, maybe?) then i started to build a relationship with one engineer... and the bestman is still friend.. then i broke with that enginner and the bestman is still friend.. at some point, i know that the bestman has a crush on me.. failed building relationship, i really reluctant to start over with someone else.. then the bestman is still friend with a crush for 2 years..

then... i saw my first love already move on with his life, he's dating my college friend..and i think i should move on and try to build relationship with someone else too... yeah i know, you can call me jelous but 9 years is not easily to be forgotten.. when i was thinking like that, the bestman popped up in my mind.. so after thinking for several months, i decided to give him a chance... but honestly, the bestman is very different with me in every aspect of life.. like he's a bad boy guy while i'm a sweet home girl.. so we decided to give it a try for 3 months first then evaluate the result at the end of that 3 months :P sounds like an employment process? yes it is :P

first month is okay.. we dating several times, still awkward though but we're making progress.. second month is also okay, we're closer, we know each other better.. we fight and get through it *it supposed to be a good sign, right?* then one night, we're going out together.. we have dinner then we played games in my phone.. we laughed and he kissed me in my lips before i went home.. it just feel right.. and i love him, my bestman..

a bomb drop the next day.. the bestman text me in the morning.. he said he will be busy today because it's closing time and we won't be able to chat with me during the day.. i think that's okay.. he's been very busy with his routine closing period.. then that night, he texted me and ask: what do you think about me? i said you're the most important person in my life right now and i love you.. he did not reply and i just know that there's something wrong...

the next morning, after awake for the night, he text me said that currently, he has a lot of things going on in his head, like his job, his family, and me.. and he said he cannot think all of that in the same time.. what can you conclude if you were me? i suddenly feel that i was his burden.. i asked him: what do you mean? do you want break up with me?.. at that moment i truly hope that he will said: no, that's not what i mean.. i just need some time to finish all of my stuffs then i will give all of my time for you..

but that's not what he said to me.. he said he want to broke up with me.. how sad heard that words coming out of his mouth.. i feel like i'm nobody for him and everything we've been through, 2 years crush and 2 months dating, is nothing.. i'm a girl with a pride, i won't beg so i said yes at that time then we broke up.. i lost my bestman..

several days after that, he start to text me again, saying he need me because he had some problems with his job and... stupid me... i helped him to get through his problems.. :( during that period, he convinced me that he loved me and needed me.. he said that over and over again.. i lost my mind.. i love him and i know he will be back to me some time...

then today... i need him.. i was in an remote area due to my job.. i always having problems sleeping in a new place and i need him.. but he rejects me.. he knows i need him but he go watching movie and ignore me.. i just have this feeling that he actually dating with someone else.. and he just use me all of this time.. but how come he said all of those sweet thinsg to me if he really don't love me? i felt his sincerity at that moment but now i doubt him... i really don't know how to deal with him.. i think the best answer is forget him.. can i survive?

HELLO!

Well... this is my first post and still trying to organize my mind so I can properly write it here... what I have in mind is kind of my everyday story... a bunch of random things.. not sure that my blog will have plenty comments *how pesimistic I am* but at leaat I can write what I cannot tell someone else :P

ok then... wait on my next post :)